dryeyes | VILLAINS open post

Alright. [Well that gave him a few hour to scratch, shower, and decompress for a while.] That's ok. I'm not hungry right now.

[He sits on the bed, using his free hand to touch the sheets gently. Pinky raised. They're softer than what he had at prison. Soft and welcoming, it puts his mind at ease knowing that this wasn't just some fanciful prison that gave him more opportunities to fuck this all up.]

Am I needed for anything today?

[Because if not, he wants to be alone for a while. The lighter scratching is really only feeding into his anxieties and making him want to scratch harder.]

The principal will probably swing by to talk to you. It can wait until after dinner, though. [he waves his hand dismissively]

You can rest for now. If you need anything I'll be in the lounge. [Grading, monitoring, and checking Neko Atsume on his phone.]

[And he'll come back to check on him close to dinner time.]

[He nods, watching Aizawa leave. As soon as the other is gone, he scratches furiously at his neck. Reopening all kinds of scabs in the process. It's vicious as he tries to drown out his anxiety with the intense burning of his neck. Eventually he wears his fingers out and falls back in his bed. Laying there and gazing up at the ceiling with tears streaming down his face at how badly his neck hurt.

Everything hurt.

Shigaraki knows there's no point in feeling sorry for himself. He eventually pulls himself together to look through the box of his belongings. The clothes are the first thing he goes through and he sort of haphazardly pulls them out one by one. He drops them all on the floor as he goes. It's all hand-me downs and donated clothes, mostly sweatpants and t-shirts. There was a new bag of underwear and socks too but no long sleeved shirts like he'd hoped for. He's about to despair at the sad state of his clothes when the last thing he pulls out is a soft gray hoodie. That one goes on the bed as he kicks the pile of clothes into a corner.

The rest of the box has his hygiene products and his journal which he carefully places on the desk he'd been given. Unlike the clothes, he actually shoves the box into the closet.

With everything unpacked, he opted to take a shower. Using the bag that once held the new hygiene products for him as a barrier to protect the ankle bracelet, Shigaraki takes a quick warm shower. Letting the water wash over the fresh cuts on his neck.

Once he's done with the shower, he gets dressed. Putting on a fresh shirt, his new hoodie, and a pair of sweatpants and socks. There's a few hours left till dinner so Shigaraki uses the time to write in his journal, sitting at his desk with his hand gripping his hair.

I don't know what to write. Nobody wants me here and I don't even want to be here. I'm scared. He continues to write out his woes, pulling the hood on his hoodie over his face at one point because this felt pointless and stupid. What good was a journal going to do?

Dumb. This is fucking stupid.

Instead of pushing himself to write further he lays back down, staring at the ceiling while he waits for the time to tick away.]

[Aizawa sits in the lounge, the television idly showing some game show with an absurd premise. He flicks his attention between the papers on the coffee table in the lounge and the tablet propped up nearby. There's a feed of his newest ward's room. It's invasive and the kind of thing he'd hate to have turned on himself. Still, though, until he trusted what Shigaraki was trying to accomplish he needed to keep track.]

[Somewhere in-between the notes scribbled on various assignments there's a paper that's half grocery list and half notes to pass along to whatever professional the man was seeing.]

[There's a bit of understanding at that repeated action of scribbling in the notebook then giving up in frustration. He'd been forced to go once or twice after particular operations. He always hated it. He'd much rather be given the freedom to deal with his issues on his own. He could generally have that freedom, though, because he worked hard and didn't cause trouble. Shigaraki had caused everyone a lot of trouble. No matter how many times he'd show up with an empty journal or no reflection, he'd be stuck there.]

[He gets a bit more grading done when Shigaraki embarks on the arduous task of staring at the ceiling. That's interrupted by Present Mic showing up. The dinner group was slowly assembling. Today had himself, Thirteen, Present Mic, Ectoplasm, Midnight, Lunch Rush, and, of course, the principal. Snipe was available but, well. Maybe they'd wait a week or so before putting him and Shigaraki in the same room.]

[There's a knock at Shigaraki's door.]

Hey. It's time. [In the background there was the very faint sound of "HEEEEEEEEYYYY, ERI, BABY GIRL, IT'S DINNER TIME!"]

[Dinner was overwhelming. With a total of nine, including Shigaraki and Eri, he was hard pressed to be left alone like he wanted to be. He waited for the others to sit down, clustered around Eri as he tried to sit by himself in the corner. No such luck since a few of the teachers, including the principal were waiting for Shigaraki to sit down. It was understandable, from a teacher's perspective anyways, because they didn't want Shigaraki feeling like he was unwanted or become jealous of Eri's attention.

Shigaraki hated it though. It felt like he'd been cornered. At least the principal understood what he must have been feeling because they didn't force the ex-villain into every conversation. Only the occasional "and what about you?" to make sure to give the other some room to participate. Simple answers and head nods were how Shigaraki chose to participate.

After dinner was, of course, the discussion with the principal. It was serious, addressing the issues that Shigaraki would have to overcome and the understanding that it would take time to change. For everyone. But it was also positive, with plenty of support and hope coming from Nezu.

The first week crawled by miserably for Shigaraki. After therapy, he'd always excuse himself to his room and stay there for the remainder of the day. Usually sleeping or scratching irritably at his skin. He caught on to the cameras in his room pretty early on, or at least suspected that there were cameras because he'd made it a habit to scratch underneath his blanket or with the closet door opened. He also had a hard time sleeping. Laying awake in his bed or pacing around the room out of boredom.

By the second week he was handling the changes a little bit better. With a note from his therapist stating he wasn't allowed to lock himself in his room after therapy. He could go to his room still but he had to leave the door open. Only with permission from Aizawa or the therapist could he close his door after therapy.

The scratching stopped for a while with this rule. It was also good for Shigaraki's benefit because it forced him to see what was going on beyond his room. A few teachers had even caught him curiously peaking out into the hall way to see what the commotion was. He didn't leave his room willingly though. Most of the time he sat at his desk by the door, scribbling in his journal and watching the people pass by.

Improvement was slow but it was gradual. There was still a laundry list of things to fix; the scratching hadn't stopped entirely, his journal entries were fruitless, and he was still anti-social.

And then a curious thing happened by the start of the third week. About an hour before dinner, Shigaraki was working on his journal in bed. He was lost in frustration and didn't hear the surprise visitor that wandered into his room. Only Eri's small weight dipping into the bed alerted Shigaraki of her presence.

At first he stared at her in fear. Worried he'd get in trouble. But then he noticed she had her own journal, a coloring book probably, and she was scribbling like he'd been doing. She didn't say anything, too shy probably because her face was fully focused on the coloring book. But that was alright. Shigaraki didn't want to say anything either and turned his attention to his own journal. Until the dinner crowd started showing up, Shigaraki and Eri sat in silence and worked on their respective journals.

The next day Shigaraki walked out to the lounge, journal in his hand, asking Aizawa;]

Can I... sit out here?

[It's the first time he'd come out of his room that wasn't for therapy or food.]

[Aizawa's hours in the dorm can still be a little disconnected and sporadic. There's always someone there, not that Shigaraki can tell at first. As he slowly adjusts to the space it becomes easy to tell that whenever Aizawa isn't there, someone he explicitly asked to be there is in his place. He keeps weird hours, always with the tablet around to check the cameras.]

[The scratching slows. He's showing some improvement. At one point, Eri came to him, curiosity finally overcoming her shyness. She had noticed how Shigaraki stuck to his room and stuck to himself. She said it looked lonely. She didn't say it in those exact words but she probably saw a big of herself in someone much older. She asked Aizawa, if the door was open, was it okay for her to go into Shigaraki's room.]

[Aizawa says yes and barely gets anything done the next day when he's watching the camera feed intently. He stares so long that his dry-eye acts up and he's grumbling and complaining all throughout dinner that night.]

[He's a little surprised by seeing Shigaraki the next day and it shows on his face. The tablet is up by apparently he was tabbed away in relative trust and didn't see him leave. He's got papers scattered on the table as usual and a glossy cat magazine on the couch next to him.]

... Ah. [There's a separate chair that he'd probably pick just to have the distance. Still, Aizawa grabs his magazine and tosses it to the other side so there was space on the couch if he cared.]

Yeah, sure. [It was new and surprising but Aizawa was still a person of few words. He knew better than to draw attention to something that was different and therefore give it a stigma.]

You can mute the TV if you want. Mic left something on and I haven't cared enough to change it. [It's some entertainment news show, talking about some pointless issue like how few clothes an artist was wearing in a music video or if an idol might be- gasp- dating someone.]

It's fine. I don't mind the noise.

[He could hear the TV from his room anyways. Shigaraki had come to know when certain teachers were in the lounge based on the TV shows playing. He knows now who is here when Aizawa isn't. Not always but sometimes.

Even though Aizawa takes the time to clear the couch, he still picks the separate chair. He takes the time to acclimate himself to the surroundings which were basically brand new to him. Tired red eyes looking at the decor, glancing briefly at the papers Aizawa's grading, and even stares at the TV for a bit. Have you heard the latest meme craze!? It's called Y-posing!!

Shigaraki visibly relaxes once he's taken in the surroundings, his gaze lingering a little at the hallway that had the dormitory doors- like he was waiting for someone. He doesn't ask about Eri or say anything but it's clear that her little stunt yesterday had some unforeseen impact on Shigaraki. He looks at Aizawa, watching him silently before opening his journal.

It's different from the other times he's been hunched over his journal because he actually looks relaxed and thoughtful. Not at all stressed and bored from this tiring exercise. He's actually writing things down rather than the bored doodles and scribbles. It keeps him pretty occupied but he does look up occasionally at Aizawa, and over at the hallways every once in a while.]

[It's not his job to know what's in Shigaraki's journal, so Aizawa does what he does best: minds his own business. After all, they had a double standard here. He was used to living and working here. It didn't really bother him to be stared at, even by someone who once did him harm. Shigaraki, though, was still adjusting to the place and was- skittish.]

[From the hoodies to the way he hid away in his room, Shigaraki didn't need extra eyes on him.]

[But apparently he was fine with company. So, Aizawa doesn't move. Even when he finishes his pile of grading he simply shuffles them into a neater stack and leaves them on the table. He flips through his magazine. There's apparently a special on sphynx cats inside. Whatever idiot was editing it didn't find it important enough to be the cover story but there was a small picture of one in the corner that had caught Aizawa's eye in the first place.]

[He takes small looks occasionally. It's a relief to see him actually working in that thing. At one point he glances up at the exact moment Shigaraki is looking at him and-]

[He freezes, for a moment. Just a moment. He's a pro, after all.]

You know, if you went and knocked on her door, she'd probably come out.

[Eri had clearly made some sort of breakthrough. Aizawa's not going to give himself any credit for Eri's bravery. He doesn't assume any actual interest from Shigaraki besides as a guardian.]

[Busted. He looks at Aizawa carefully, trying to determine if this was some kind of test. One hand slowly goes to his neck, gently starting to scratch at the skin.]

I don't know what to say. [That's fair. He hasn't really had much interactions with anyone since his arrival here. Only the minimum with Aizawa and the few forced conversations out of the dinner group. His therapist is probably the one person who gets more than a few words out of him a day and even then it's exhausting on Shigaraki's part and like pulling teeth for the therapist. Hopefully Eri's bravery has opened up the door for Shigaraki to finally come out of that turtle shell he's wedged himself into.

He does stand up though. Despite not knowing what to say or even where her door is. Shigaraki's still gently picking at his neck]

[It's probably harder than he could imagine. After all, he was fortunate enough to find someone almost immediately in high school who would always come over and sit with him. His life had expanded to the point he had so many of those people. He'd never had to ask for it. If he really had to, he wouldn't be sure, either.]

... if you want, [there's a bit of hesitation to his voice. When it came to teaching or hero work, he never hesitated. This was just unsteady footing for the both of them.]

You can tell her I asked for company. [If it were easier and less anxiety-inducing, he could free himself from the experience. He would just be delivering a message for Aizawa. Eri could come out and sit with them without him feeling examined and evaluated for it. It was just a scaffold for what he wanted to do.]

You don't have to know what to say right away.

[That he could say with certainty, turning a page in his magazine.]

Ok. Thanks. [Shigaraki moves towards the dorms, leaving his journal on his seat to claim it. It doesn't take him long to find Eri's door- it's the one with the cute little sign. He looks back at Aizawa, uncertain if he really wanted to go through with this. But Shigaraki pushes past whatever's holding him back because he knocks softly on Eri's door. It opens and for a moment it looks like Shigaraki might flee from fear of confrontation.]

Um. [He looks over at Aizawa and sheepishly points.] Aizawa wants our company.

[There's an emphasize on "our" so he has an excuse for being there. But it doesn't matter. Eri seems to be more than happy to accept this for fact as she scurries back into her room to grab some things to keep herself, and the others, entertained before heading over to the couch.

Shigaraki on the other hand waits a little bit, trying to calm down from the encounter before going back to his seat. There's the briefest of smiles on his face as he picks his journal back up, watching over Aizawa and Eri on the couch and then finishing up his writing. It's long, whatever he's writing about, since he has to flip the pages twice to fully get every word down.

Aizawa's going to get a very happy phone call from the therapist tomorrow for sure.]

[It's a little humorous, maybe, to see him so scared of talking to a little girl. It works out fine, of course. He's allowed that excuse and uses it to get what he needs. He nods to Eri as she comes and settles down in the seat next to him with her coloring book. Every now and then she'll prop herself up to look over Aizawa's shoulder at a picture of a cat.]

[Sometimes she asks about what's on TV and Aizawa shrugs. She can ask Yamada later. Eri says that sometimes Yamada can be scary because he's so loud. Aizawa laughs under his breath, a low and knowing sound. It's probably the least stern he's looked within the whole month.]

[A lot of their time is spent in silence but it's fine.]

[He gives all the credit to Eri on the phone call the next day. He's glad there's been some progress. Please continue to let him know if there's anything he can do to ease the transition process.]

[... the next day there will be matching pink Hello Kitty pencils for the two of them. Aizawa can be caught working on a number puzzle with a third pink pencil.]

[Likewise the therapist asks him to keep noting anything that Aizawa thinks is an issue. His notes are excellent for keeping an accurate depiction of Shigaraki's day-to-day activities, especially with how reluctant the ward seemed to be on reflecting on his own behaviors. Or realizing that his own behaviors weren't exactly helping him. Still, Eri was helping him step in the right direction because he was finally taking a hand in his own therapy by asking questions and asking if they could focus on this or that rather than the therapist tackling which issues to discuss.

It gave him a responsibility beyond "follow the rules."

His session also fostered some confidence into his actions that day. Instead of going to his room right after therapy, he opted to stay in the lounge. He even moved the chair closer to the couch so he could be next to Aizawa and Eri while still maintaining a safe distance. His demeanor was also noticeably less gloomy.

This pencil however... got a weird sort of curiosity out of Shigaraki. He rolls the Hello Kitty pencil between two fingers, distracted by how adorable the lovable mascot was. Eventually he looks over at Aizawa and Eri, leaning a little bit to watch Aizawa do the number puzzle.]

It should be three. [He points thoughtfully.]

[Eri can show outward delight at the cuteness of the pencil. She wasn't really fond of too many gifts. Gifts reminded her of being bribed and people trying to buy her trust. This was so different, though, with Aizawa clearly using one himself. She'd never had anything matching with anyone before and there's a sort of childish excitement now. She's using crayons to color in her coloring book but the pencil sits neatly on her lap.]

[Aizawa is expecting this to be a much longer process. So, when that finger gets a bit closer to his personal space, he's a bit startled. He had expected Shigaraki to act like some sort of gargoyle, perching in the chair and waiting indefinitely.]

[It seems like more progress was being made than he thought.]

Huh. [It's not outright praise but it isn't rejection, either. He'll scribble the number in.]

We'll see if that works. Have you done many of these before? [There were always little questions like that at dinner. They were ways for him to socialize, to open up. Aizawa usually wasn't the one giving them, though.]

[He nods at the question.] I played a lot of games before.

[He wasn't entirely raised to hate heroes every waking moment. Even though his childhood was far from normal, Shigaraki still played games and worked on puzzles as a small child. It's how his vocabulary and world view of his schemes evolved from. It wasn't just 'game over' and 'ggez heroes' but also strategic skills and critical thinking that had helped guide him with his previous organization. Just because everyone wanted him to behave and be good now, doesn't mean that his skills and experiences could ever go away.]

I like difficult games. [As long as he can win them, it seems.]

[It was easy to just think of Shigaraki as some sort of primed and groomed villain without anything else there. It was easy but it wasn't accurate. This was useful, though. This was another interest. If they were eventually going to coax Shigaraki into a normal civilian life he'd need hobbies just like anyone else. It could be something to do, other than sleeping, scratching, and writing in his journal.]

I agree. If they're too easy then what's the point? [Even Aizawa's hobbies were productive in one way or another. He'd take all three of them fishing if he weren't so sure that would be a pain for Shigaraki with his limitations.]

Although I haven't played a real game in a while. Haven't been to an arcade since high school. [what are console games]

[Honestly in a month or two if he's still making good progress some of his limitations could be lifted. Probably even encouraged by his therapist and other professionals helping him.]

Easy solution puzzles don't really teach you the basics either. If there's no difficulty to it, you can't learn from it. [Go hard or go home.]

I haven't been to an arcade. But I used to play games on the TV and a handheld.

[He kinda misses playing them. But he also knows his situation, he isn't stupid enough to ask for things that are a certainty to getting declined.]

[How technology has advanced. For him, the greater draw of the arcade was probably Mic's invitations than the games themselves. There was something satisfying about a good puzzle, though. It was like a mental exercise.]

I can get you some of these, [he lifts the book he's working on a bit] if you're interested.

[Shigaraki still asked for so little. When someone doesn't ask for anything, Aizawa can step in. He can offer it. It's really one of the least things they could get him. He could still have interests and hobbies. They can't get up to handhelds, yet, but little logic puzzles should be fine.]

Yeah... [There's some hesitancy in his voice. Asking for things was still a hurdle. Everyone had suspected he'd be demanding because he'd certainly had a tough time not getting everything he wanted in prison. Again he knows his situation- knows that he's not calling the shots anymore.]

I'd like that. [He admits quietly with a nod.] Can I get some logic puzzles too?

[Because he knows he'll get through the number puzzles quickly.]

[Certainly, a demand would be annoying. There was a line between asking and demanding, though. Shigaraki would learn that line. He would adjust.]

Sure. [That was a logical extension of the request. Besides, it wasn't even like the books cost much.]

How quickly do you think you'll get through them anyways? [It's asked more in a light, joking manner although it can be really hard to tell with Aizawa.] Just an estimate. [No, that doesn't make it more or less clearly a joke. Maybe. Eri can't tell, he tends to be a bit... softer with her.]

[He gives Aizawa's question a quick look over. With so little to do with his freetime, he'd be able to get through the puzzles fairly quickly.]

Thirty minutes? [Ha. His own joke.] Probably an hour depending on the type. I can use grid paper so you can use the books as well?

[Thoughtful. He was finally showing that he was capable of considering others. It's not really a growth that could be contributed to therapy or his time spent under house arrest. But it's still a bit of a highlight for him considering the circumstances in which it was a casual sort of compassion.]

You could probably find free ones online.

[Again with trying to minimize his requests.]

[There's a bit of a snicker at the reply, an understanding. Yeah, with nothing else to do, it would be easy to just plow through as many puzzles as possible. Eri sort of looks between them, not quite getting the joke.]

I've got a lot of other things I could be doing. [which was part of why he could do them so leisurely, after all]

... I could probably do them on my tablet, if I wanted, I'm just old fashioned. [If he did them on his tablet, then Shigaraki wouldn't have the share the books at all. It's a weird situation, in which Shigaraki is trying to share and Aizawa is trying to give him something.]

[He leans forward a bit where he's sitting, resting the book of puzzles on his lap. He twirls the Hello Kitty pencil in his fingers.] I like pencil and paper when it comes to relaxing.

[His tablet was for work and cat videos. Cat videos were also relaxing but, well. He needed the digital apparatus for cat videos. It was essential.]

I don't want to burden you. [He says it sincerely as he watches Aizawa's Hello Kitty pencil get twirled around. He's a little jealous that others are able to so carelessly use their hands like that.]

I'm going to go through them quickly. [Maybe he should learn impulse control? Shigaraki raises a hand to scratch at his shoulder, reminded suddenly of his other impulses he needed to better manage. He scratches a little harder than he really needs to before pulling his hand away. So far? He's still gotten away with the scratching in front of others. In a way he's learning to curb the destructive behavior but Aizawa is probably already aware that at night it's a different story.]

[Aizawa's eyes flick over from the Hello Kitty pencil to Shigaraki's neck. Drawing attention to that habit, especially around Eri, could be a little dangerous. It wouldn't be dangerous due to the fear of Shigaraki lashing out. He was much more subdued these days. The worry was mainly in emphasizing that anxiety and, unintentionally, making it worse.]

[His glance shows that he notices. He just doesn't say anything.]

I'll see about looking up some free ones online. [A very brief pause as he fills in a square in the book in front of him]

It's not a burden. [He keeps it neutral. He's not mushy enough to say that Shigaraki wasn't a burden. Objectively, he was more work. He was just more work Aizawa didn't particularly care one way or the other about. He tilts his head, addressing Eri,]

Do you want to try? He can help. [He points with his pencil towards Shigaraki. Eri looks between the two of them for a bit, a little panicked to have the attention on her again, then offers a small nod.]

[Eyes widen when Aizawa tells Eri that Shigaraki would help her and while he doesn't protest, it's clear that his anxiety has spiked up in that moment. He's still cautious and shy around Eri, more so than she is around him. The words of the escorts from the day he arrived at U.A. still rang pretty loudly in his ears- about being a fuck up and trying not to burden U.A. Somehow that twisted into not scaring or harming the poor girl.]

She's smart... [He says, as if that means she doesn't need his help. It's a weird compliment and Shigaraki definitely means it. Eri is pretty smart. But being around her made him fully aware of what kind of person he could have been. If only he'd been rescued by heroes. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat at the thought, he looks at Eri with a small nod. One hand reaches for the back of his neck, fingers smoothing over the old scars but not quite scratching. Not yet.]

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